30 Days of Kink: Day 16

What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

There are really only two things that I find difficult about being kinky. The first is my size, and the second is romantic relationships.

My size makes things difficult in a couple different ways. First, I’ve found it extremely difficult to find any sort of kinky clothing/lingerie that I feel is likely to fit me. As things stand, there aren’t really any fetish clothing stores in my area that I’m aware of, which makes it necessary to shop online. I have a hard enough time finding normal, everyday clothing that fits and looks good on me in stores where I can actually try stuff on. So generally, no online shopping for me since I can’t try on anything I see online.

Second, because I am a bigger girl, it is difficult to find sexual or romantic partners who are able to physically dominate me. One thing that really turns me on is when a guy can take both my wrists in one hand, pin my arms above my head and keep them there regardless of how much I squirm or struggle while he plays with me. Or easily move me into whatever position he wants me to be in. Unfortunately, guys who are able to do things like that seem to be few and far between, and I feel it has something to do with how big I am. And that’s not even getting into my desire to be picked up and fucked against a wall or the fact that I can’t even give a proper on-my-knees blowjob because being on my knees for more than a couple minutes hurts too much.

The other thing I’ve found to be difficult about being kinky is finding a partner who is interested in the same aspects of kink as I am. Or at least one who is willing to learn and try to understand my kinks. The Keeper is the closest I’ve gotten to having a relationship with someone like that, but as incredible as he is he just isn’t all that interested in being a Dom. He wants me to be happy, but he doesn’t really understand how it all works.

On the whole though, neither of these things is are really all that bothersome. If I work at it, I can change my size. And having someone I love who loves me back and is pretty much perfect, other than his inability to understand what I need as a submissive, is more important to me than being dominated.

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