Subject To Moods

It’s been a week since the last post here, and I feel I should explain the reason. It’s not a very good reason, in my opinion, but here it is. I have been somewhat depressed. This particular depression has been far more mild and short lived that others I’ve had in the past, but it had settled over me like a little cloud and only recently has begun to dissipate. It came to a head on Thursday last week when I tried a second time to make the ravioli I mentioned in the previous post. I didn’t exactly fail in my second attempt, I got the dough to do mostly what I thought it was supposed to do and I rolled it out and was going to try to proceed despite the fact that there didn’t appear to actually be enough dough to make a meal for two people. Then The Keeper came in after I’d asked him to go check something about the recipe on my computer and made a joking little comment about how the sheets looked right although he didn’t think he’d be able to read newspaper through it (which is something the recipe mentioned as a somewhat lofty goal when rolling out the dough). Then, when I started fretting a little over it, because I could try to roll it thinner but I’d already hurt my wrists getting it as thin as I’d managed to, he was trying to calm me down and he accidentally knocked the carton of eggs that I had out on the counter off onto the floor. It was at that point that I pretty much just gave up and sank into a despairing little haze while I cleaned up the eggs.

As tends to be the case when I get into these dark moods, I was caught in a circular conundrum. I felt worse than I might otherwise have because I knew I was worrying The Keeper and that I was relying on him for something that he isn’t naturally inclined to understand and render. But at the same time I couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it except mumble and murmur that I was sorry. And this was in addition to the stresses which had caused the mood to begin with. It wasn’t the ravioli or the eggs, that was just sort of the last straw. I’ve been unemployed longer than I was hoping, so I was feeling bad about that. And the depression seemed to be making it very difficult to motivate myself to do anything besides read, including getting on the computer and typing up interesting blog posts. Unfortunately it also included things around the house like cleaning, and I sank further under my little cloud because I was sitting and reading all day while The Keeper was out at work. I felt bad for being so lazy, but circularly again, couldn’t seem to get myself to not be lazy. And things just kept piling up until Thursday when the eggs got knocked over and I just snapped.
I spent most of the next day sleeping because I’d developed a really terrible headache, which didn’t really enhance my mood much. But then Saturday the cloud began to dissipate a bit and I think things are much better now. I’m still having trouble tearing myself away from the book I’m reading (which currently is Edward Rutherfurd’s The Rebels of Ireland), and I haven’t really been very productive yet this week, but hopefully my spirits will continue to rise and I can get some things done soon. I’ll be forced to, at least, on Thursday this week because of another of the things that had piled up and caused my little breakdown last week- The Keeper got into a traffic altercation. Someone ran a red light and struck him as he was making a left turn on his way to work last Thursday. The offending driver’s insurance should be paying for the repairs to my Element, but unfortunately the asshole is saying that The Keeper is the one who ran the light and since the police weren’t called and there were no witnesses who stopped to give their contact information, we are at an impasse. So, The Keeper and I will be driving to the closest Progressive repair center on Thursday morning to drop off the Element and acquire a rental car. I have to be there for that because the rental car requires a major credit card and I have one of those while The Keeper doesn’t. We are currently kicking ourselves for not electing to get the rental coverage Progressive offers.

Anyhow, I’m hoping to get back into a habit of posting here. The Keeper and my two year anniversary was on Sunday and he took me out to PF Chang’s where I was able to take some wonderful food porn pictures, so that will probably be my next entry.


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